The Millennium - A Fresh Start?

I spent the Xmas as usual at home, being the host to my mom and brother. I did not want to spoil their celebrations because of my misery, so I made the effort in decorating my house, putting Xmas lights everywhere, splashing out on the best food and drink money can buy, well why not? the Millennium was dawning upon us and I had made a pact with my friend Mark that this would be a new leaf in my chapter of life.

New Years Eve came and again I was the host, I had put on a spread, so much food that I had no room on the table in the dining room and had to resort to bringing platters into the lounge. I had bought a huge box of fireworks, which was sitting in my conservatory ready to be used at midnight. I was actually feeling excited and had something to look forward too, why you may ask?, well it was all to do with a new friend in my life, another cyber friend and the first person I spoke to when I first joined the chat room, Her name was Rose, a Greek girl living in Canada.

After my last trip to Athens, I came home broken hearted, I avoided going into the chat room on the evenings as I could not bear bumping into Kelly or even my friend, so as I was on leave, I started logging in the afternoon. That was when I was noticed. Through out the last few months, Rose was a part of the "family" in the chat room. We had talked, we laughed and we clicked. I saw her as a good friend, someone to talk to, someone to pour my heart to. Rose was great for giving good advise and I liked her for that and also her honesty, she had already told me a few home truths about Kelly, things that I was not even aware of. We spent Xmas chatting to each other on the phone and on New Year Eve I called her to wish her happy celebrations as she was spending it with her mom at her mom's friends house.

Back at home, my mom, brother, Mark and myself brought in the New Millennium, of course with a bang! Midnight was like a war zone, every house in my street and every house in the City were letting off their fireworks. It was such a fantastic experience, we even heard the fireworks that were let off from Centenary square, our city centre which was 4 miles away! I think whoever was on a plane at that time flying over England would have had a spectacular view of the sight below them.

After my firework display, my brother went home and I took my mom next door to her house. Myself and Mark then went to my neighbours all night party which we were invited too. The only drinks they had available was champagne, champagne and even more champagne! They obviously brought in the Millennium with style :-) After a few glasses of champagne, a couple of dances and a few sausage rolls and sandwiches, me and Mark thanked the hosts for their hospitality and then we staggered back to my house. The Champagne was kicking in for sure.

We both took off our jackets, kicked off our shoes and crashed onto the sofa, put some music on and just chilled in each other's arms. We talked about New Years resolutions, we talked about our lives, we talked and talked until we both became too tired to talk. We then decided it was time for bed, well it was 7am!, so we staggered upstairs, we stood on the landing, gave each other a hug and wished ourselves a Happy Millennium. Mark crashed out in my guest room and me on my bed.

I was woken up by the telephone ringing at 9am, I answered and found that it was Rose, she had just come back from her New Year Celebrations and wanted to see how my celebrations went, We chatted for a bit and then I let her go so she can get some sleep. Think this new year is starting off very well indeed :-)

Spent my days with my mom and brother and on the 4th of January I had an invite from one of my friends to meet up for a drink in the Gay quarter, why not? I got ready and headed off to the city centre, it was around 8pm and very dark. Parked my car down the road as there was no spaces in the gay quarter. I started walking up the street, which was dimly lit, surrounding me was factories which were closed because of the New year, as I was walking I noticed 3 men walking down the opposite side to me, I upped my pace and put my head down then all of a sudden they jumped me. All I remember was being thrown against the iron roller shutter door of a closed factory and the next thing I knew a knife was held across my neck! OMG! My life flashed before me in a split second! What those 3 pigs did to me was unspeakable, I closed my eyes through out the whole ordeal and did what they ordered me to do. What seemed to have taken forever was about to end when they decided to pick up and make a run for it, looks like God looked out for me as a car which was coming up the street disturbed them. Thank god, Thank god Thank god I am still alive! Thank god that car appeared as only god knows what else would have happened.

I picked myself up, still trembling and in floods of tears I started pulling up my jeans, held my ripped blouse closed and made my way back to my car. I sat in the car and then the heavens opened, I couldn't stop. Visions kept on coming back to me about this horrible ordeal. What was I gonna do?, I must have sat in the car for about 30 minutes before I plucked up the courage to go straight to the Police and report it.

As I was driving, still in tears to the Police station I remember my mobile ringing and seeing that it was my friend who I was arranging to meet at the bar. I couldn't answer, what the hell was I going to tell her ? "sorry, can't make it because I was raped on my way up meeting you". I needed to focus and get the the Police station.

One thing I cannot fault is how I was looked after by the female Police officer who was on duty at the time. I couldn't have asked for a better and understanding person. She made me a very Strong Coffee while I gave her a report on what happened, she arranged and came with me to the hospital so I could be checked over, had samples taken from me, was photographed and also a blood test too. All that time I felt so dirty, I just wanted to get home and have a good scrub in the bath. I felt so sickened my what happened. How the hell am I going to get over this?

After I was done, the female Police officer took me back to the station as I insisted that I wanted to drive back home to avoid my mom suspecting anything, as that was the last thing I wanted, was my mom freaking out. I remember driving home, that long drive, no idea what or where I was going, but it seemed that I was on automatic pilot, my car was taking me home, I remember feeling spooked when a song came on the radio in which the lyrics said "every things going to be alright" that very last words that I had said to my sister just before she went into intensive care, that very song that reminded me of her was now being played on the radio. I had to pull up at a petrol station as I couldn't continue with my journey, I felt like my sister was with me and telling me that "everything was going to be alright" Oh how I cried!, I was uncontrollable. Think after 40 minutes I found the strength to continue my journey home.

As soon as I got home, I ripped off all the clothes I was wearing and headed straight up and into the shower, a shower that contained me for at least 2 hours, frantically scrubbing myself from head to toe, if bleach was OK to use, then I would have certainly used it! Again I broke down in tears, I felt that I had lost my identity, I still felt dirty, I felt that I had lost the will to live!

How the hell was I going to get over this bombshell?

I remember climbing into bed, still crying, I remember the phone ringing at 4am, I knew it was Rose but I ignored it. I wanted to be left alone. Did not get a wink of sleep that night, I sat in bed crying, visions of the ordeal was going through my head again and again. Why cant it all stop! That night I felt the most loneliest person in the universe and that night I decided that enough was enough, I did not want to spend another day on this hell on earth.

I headed towards my first aid cabinet and pulled out a carton of paracetamol. I went back to bed and sat there while I popped every tablet from it's holder. 16 tablets in all, think that will do. I swallowed each and every tablet, and sat in bed crying. I grabbed my note book and wrote a letter to my mom, I remember telling her how sorry I was that it had to end like this and told her that I will look forward to seeing my dad, brother and sister, that I will always be her guardian angel and I will always by her side. I thanked her for all the love she has given me and for giving me the best life I could ever have.

I finished off the letter and placed it next to my bed. My dog Loulou was sitting right next to me in bed, curled up asleep, I bent over and kissed her on the forehead, "Good bye by darling Loulou". I started crying again and remember feeling very tired. Not sure as to what happened next or what time it was, but I do remember the phone ringing and I automatically answered. It was my best friend Mark. I think by the way I was talking he sensed something was wrong and he said that he was coming over, I told him that I am OK, just a bit tired and talked him out of coming over.

I sat in bed, I remember feeling very lethargic, a feeling of drunkenness and then a feeling of "what the hell I am doing?" Why am I letting this get the better of me? I started to cry again, regretting the stupid thing I had done. I picked up the phone and called my mom, I told her that I was not feeling well and that I was going to call an ambulance. I asked her not to come with me and that before she knows it I will be back home........I hope. My next call was 999 emergency services, I had told them exactly what I had done and they were sending an ambulance immediately. Don't even know how I managed to get dressed and get myself downstairs awaiting for their arrival. Within 20 minutes the ambulance arrived, I remember sitting in my front room looking out for it to arrive. They took me straight to hospital, where I had my stomach pumped. I felt so ashamed for what I had done. I spent the night in hospital, for observation before I got the all clear to go home the next day. I remember calling my mom and lying to her, telling her that It was a suspected appendix problems and that they were keeping me in for observation. She wanted to come and see me with my brother, but I told her that I was in good hands and that she has seen enough of hospitals and i did not want her to get upset again. My mom respected my wishes. I knew that if she had found out the truth then she would have slapped me for sure!

The next day arrived and I was given the all clear to go home. I thanked the doctor and nurses for everything and said that I will go and get some help (as they were also aware of my ordeal that night) I called for a taxi to take me home and went straight to my mom's and spent the whole evening in her company. It felt safe being at home and being in my mom's company :-)

My mission now is to get over this ordeal, try and get some help and try and move on.

Cyber Space - Final part

Friday morning came, don’t think I got a wink of sleep as I was now getting very nervous. Had my usual breakfast while sitting on the balcony, soaking up the sun and admiring the beautiful view, blue skies and the sea which was sitting beyond the main road. I started to get ready, had a long soak in the shower, got changed and then flagged a taxi to head off to the airport. Within 15 minutes I had arrived at the airport, I strolled in to check her flight, it was landing in 30 minutes, perfect.

So I headed off to have a coffee and also look for a bouquet of flowers. I was becoming more and more nervous, don't think the coffee did much help as my heart was racing even more. I found a beautiful bouquet of flowers, paid for them and then walked towards the arrivals section and eagerly waited. I remember standing and watching people come out, some were greeted by family, friends and loved ones. It was such a beautiful sight, just seeing their faces full of happiness and joy. How I had wished that I got the same when I travelled, but It was always the case of me and mom travelling with no one on the other side to greet us. If my family or friends came to visit, I always made sure I was always there to greet them, I just think that it's a lovely moment, seeing your loved one come through the doors. Yes I am quite soppy at heart.

By that time, my friend's flight had landed, it will not be long now till she goes through passport control, collect her luggage and come out. My heart is now beating that hard, I am sure it's about to explode. Within 25 minutes the wait was finally over. The doors opened and out came a face that I recognised only from a photo. Wow, she is even more beautiful in real life! Boom!, I must have burst a blood vessel for sure. Now, how I greeted her or what I said I don’t even remember, I don't even remember giving her the bouquet of flowers!, but all I know is that my eyes were fixed onto her beautiful face. That feeling felt like an eternity, here before me was in my eyes the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Time to check back into reality and to get my friend out of the airport.

Within 20 minutes we were at the hotel, I had already told her that I had the double room and that she was more than welcome to share it with me. We got to the room, she had dropped her suitcase, sat in a chair and pulled a bottle of tequila out. Oh my god, drinking at this time of the morning!, I got my friend a glass and let her have a drink. Tequila was not my forte, as I was more of a schnapps/cointreau girl, but I did not care, I was just happy to meet my friend finally. We talked, played some music and generally chilled.All I could think about was just kissing her beautiful lips. She had such beautiful lips that if she kissed a block of ice, it would melt in a second. I don't know how it all happened, but I know for sure that I told her that I wanted to kiss her. Her response was a simple OK, so I lent forward and kissed her on the lips, and then we kissed again, my body erupting like a volcano, I was pretty sure that I had died and gone to heaven, never in my whole life had anyone kissed me the way like she did, and to this day I can honestly say that she has got to be the best kiss I have ever had. I had hit the earth with a huge crash when my mobile rang and found that it was Kelly. She called to tell me that she was coming over, holy crap!, but I was not letting Kelly spoil my moment just yet, we still had time before she arrives.

Before we knew it, it was time to compose ourselves and get ready for Kelly’s arrival. I do remember popping out of the room and heading off to the hotel bar and asking for a double shot of Cointreau, I needed it just like someone would take a tranquiliser to calm down. In that tiny space of time in the hotel room, my friend had made me feel every emotion that I had felt with Rachel which had taken 3 months to develop. I had fallen head over heals for her big time. I asked for another double shot and then I was done. I headed back to the room and started getting ready. I had already called a few friends and made arrangements to meet up on the evening.

The door knocked, it was Kelly. She came into the room and instantly saw my friend. I had told Kelly that we were sharing to save money and also like myself, there were not many hotels open. I could see from her face that she was not happy to see her, but I did not care what Kelly thought, she used me right? Used me as a puppet in her little game to get back at Katerina.

I excused myself and headed off to have a shower, I definitely needed cooling down. Every now and then, my friend would come in and give me a secret kiss while I am was in the shower. Oh my god, we were playing with fire as Kelly was in the bedroom. Eventually I managed to compose myself and came out of the bathroom to get ready. Kelly was sitting on the balcony.

While my friend was getting ready, I was making the final preparations with my friends on where to meet and what time, I could see that Kelly still looked miffed, I had wished that I had the guts to turn around and tell her to fuck off out of my life forever. I couldn’t, I didn’t have the guts and it was not in my nature to be a bastard.

An hour had passed and we were all set, we left the hotel, caught a taxi and headed towards our meeting point.

We popped into a bar and had a couple of drinks, JD arrived followed by another couple who we knew from the chat room. I was glad that there was more company as I did not want Kelly to focus much on my friend. I was still feeling the buzz from what happened earlier and I needed another drink to bring me down to earth. I had a couple of bottles of beer and after we all decided to go for a meal.

We left the bar and started walking towards a Taverna the girls recommended, I was walking in front of the crowd, Kelly glued to my side holding my hand, which had sickened me. All I wanted was my friend walking beside me and me holding her hand. I knew that my friend saw me and Kelly holding hands and I knew that she was not happy.

We arrived at the Taverna and sat down at out table. To my left was my friend, to my right was Kelly and opposite was JD and our 2 other friends. That’s when things started to get complicated to say the least. Out of the blue my friend had put her hand on my knee, I started feeling a hot rush through my body, but soon after Kelly had put her hand on my other knee, OMG! Alarm bells, if Kelly had moved her hand a bit further to the left, she would have felt my friend’s hand. I know that I took my friends hand and held it under the table away from Kelly’s reach and sight. By that time the food was coming, we had ordered a couple of jugs of Retsina (a Greek wine) and I was knocking them back like shots, I was so nervous because of what was going on under the table.

I needed to cool down, so I excused myself and headed towards the bathroom.
It was not till I got up from my seat that I realised that I was “very merry” or in laymen’s terms, “drunk”. I managed to get myself into the bathroom and started wetting my face with cold water, I needed to sober up fast!

The bathroom door opened and in came my friend checking to see whether I was OK, I told her that I was feeling a but tipsy. I know that we actually have a brief kiss, something that I was looking forward to all night, but then the bathroom door opened again and in walks Kelly…. BLAST! She came in to check that I was OK, but I knew that she was checking up on my and my friend. Kelly said that she will bring me back to the table and that was when my friend left the bathroom. My lips were still tingling from our kiss earlier.

Kelly tried coming close to me, she tried to hug and kiss me and all I was doing was pushing her away and asking her to leave me alone. She repulsed me in every little way. I told her that I was capable of getting myself back to the table and that I needed to be left alone. At first she refused, but I then gave her a look said again for her to leave me alone, she did. I needed to sober up and at this stage I was starting to feel sick.

I had no idea how long I was in the bathroom for, seems that from the time of entering the Taverna I had lost track of time completely. I came out, a little better but still feeling a bit rough. I managed to get back to the table and sat down. My friend instantly took my hand and held it under the table. I felt safe from just holding her hand.

The bill arrived, we had all settled up and said our goodbyes to JD and our other 2 friends, I remembered JD whispering to me saying that she was happy to see me happy for once, JD knew how I felt about my friend and she must have known that something had happened between us today. I made arrangements to meet up with JD the next day for a coffee to catch up with things.

Now it was my turn to deal with Kelly, she had said to me that she was coming back to the hotel to spend the night with me. I told her that I did not want her to come back to the hotel as I would be OK, but she kept on insisting. I was getting more pissed off with her. Myself, my friend and Kelly caught a taxi and it was my idea to drop Kelly off first, but I think the fresh air had made me ill again and before I knew it I was asking the taxi driver to make an emergency stop. I got back into the taxi and cant really remember what happened after that. All I remember was waking up in the taxi outside the hotel and Kelly was still with us!. Now I was really pissed off! I asked her why she did not go home? And her reply was that she wanted to take care of me.
I told her that I was capable of taking care of myself and that I would sober up in no time once I had taken my shower, but Kelly still insisted in coming back to the room.

I jumped into the shower and had a long soak, thoughts and emotions were going through my head, why the fuck had I ended up that drunk? What a great impression I had made to everyone. I was very pissed off with myself , my actions and most of all I felt that I had let my friend down.

I came out of the shower, fresh and most of all sober (at last). Kelly was still in the room, I told her that I was OK and that she can now leave. Again she made every effort to stay the night, but I was at the end of my tether with her and she was making me angry again. I told her that I did not want her stopping the night and demanded her to leave. I can clearly see that she was upset, but I did not give a fuck. She grabbed her coat and left. I turned to my friend and apologised for everything. Deep down I felt a complete prat for my actions that night.

We got into bed and finished off what I had started earlier on in he day. We chatted and I found out that my friend was not ready for anything else (meaning sex) as she was not sure about her sexuality. I understood and most of all respected her for her honesty.

The next morning we had breakfast, I was making arrangements to meet up with JD and my friend had make prior arrangements to meet up with a cousin of hers. We were acting like we were a couple, It felt great, but there was one obstacle that I needed to tackle and that was coming clean with Kelly and telling her that it’s over.

We both left the hotel, my friend leaving to meet her cousin and me catching the train and making my way to meet JD.

We met at the same coffee house where a month ago I was sitting with JD and then Kelly when the whole Kelly/Katerina gate scandal emerged. Now JD was sitting opposite me and waiting for me to spill the beans about me and my friend. I think that by the look on my face she knew that something had happened. JD was over the moon and was very happy for me, said it was about time I found happiness. I couldn’t agree with her more.

The topic then arose about Kelly, what was I going to tell her?, shall I come clean and tell her everything?, JD seemed to think that it was better for me to end it, no questions and no answers as at the end of the day it was Kelly who had cheated on me from day one. Yes I can see her point. I told her that I would think about it, then all of a sudden my mobile rang, it was Kelly.
She was asking where I was and that she wanted to see me, I told her that I was out with friends and that it would not be a good idea for her to come. I told her that we needed to talk and that I would talk to her later. She then asked as to what my plans were tonight?, I answered her simply “I don’t know” and said goodbye and ended the call. It looks like I had to tell her once and for all tonight that we are finished.

Got back to the hotel before my friend, I turned on the music and lay on the bed, millions of thoughts going through my head and not knowing where to start. An hour must have passed when my friend arrived. She was full of happiness and joy, I was happy that she had a great time with her cousin.

We then started making plans for the evening, phoning around different friends and arranging to meet up with them. One thing for sure, tonight I was not going to have a drink!.

As we were getting ready my mobile rang, it was Kelly again!, it was now my chance to end this once and for all. I cant really remember what I had exactly said to her but I told her that we were no more. I do remember her saying that she wanted to see me and that she will be at the airport tomorrow evening for when I fly back to England. I told her that I did not ever want to see her again and not to even think about turning up at the airport!. That was how the call ended. I took a deep breath and signed with relief, at the same time I was feeling a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Officially I was now single.

One the evening, myself and my friend had met up with JD and our 2 other friends, think we just ended up in a Crepe cafe where we sat, had a bit and talked the whole night away. Most of that night myself and my friend were holding hands, but I was sensing something was wrong.

It was not until we got back to the hotel when my friend said that she was not sure as to whether she is “gay” or not, but at this moment she was not ready for anything. That was when I felt a knife go into my heart, yes I was very upset with what I had heard, but on the other hand I had to respect her wishes.

I don’t think I got a wink of sleep that night and I deep down wished that my plane was leaving first thing in the morning rather than late afternoon, that knife was still logged in my heart and it was killing me.

I woke up and started getting my suitcase ready, my friend woke up not so long after and asked what I was doing, I just told her that I was getting ready.
JD had called and said that she was coming over to see us at the hotel and spend some time with us, which I thought was very nice of her.

Had my shower, got changed and before I knew it JD had arrived. We all headed off to the town centre for a bite to eat and a chit chat, after the meal we went back to the hotel and got ready to check out. My friend was leaving the next day and was going to stay with a friend. Our bags were packed and we went down to the hotel bar, sat and had a few drinks, we were just killing time before I had to catch the taxi back to the airport. Took a few pictures and had a good laugh.

It was time to leave, we all got in the taxi and headed towards the airport, deep down I starting to get upset, but I was fighting hard to control my feelings and most of all try and contain them. Arrived at the airport and the first thing I did was look around in case Kelly was there, after a full scan I was satisfied that she was not. So I checked in and went to say my final goodbye to both JD and my friend. It was only then that I could not control my feelings any longer and I burst into tears. I look back now and think what a prat I was, but at the time I did have genuine feelings for my friend and I did love her even more than I loved Rachel, even though I did never admit it at the time. Think I ended up in the toilet crying my eyes out and trying to compose myself, for fuck sake girl get a grip!

I knew my friend had to leave because her friend was picking her up from the airport, so I said my final goodbye to her and before I knew it she was gone. JD looked at me, then came and gave me a huge hug, it was very comforting and what I needed. I couldn't have thanked JD enough, as not only was she here trying to console me, but she was there for me too a month ago with the whole Kelly/Katerina scandal.

So I left Athens that December night, upset and heartbroken and wondering if I will ever get over this. One thing for sure, I was not looking forward to Xmas and the new year. I still had many questions and many unanswered. There was no point even going back and asking what went wrong.

One thing I learnt in life is this, you can fall head over heals for someone, but you cannot expect that person to fall head over heals for you.

Cyber Space - Part 5

A couple of weeks had passed and then out of the blue, Kelly had called me, she was crying and said what a big mistake she had made and how truly sorry she was. She knew that I was coming back to Athens in December and promised that she would stay with me the whole time and then out of the blue she said that we should be an official couple and exchange rings, and guess who she expected to provide the rings?, yes muggins here!. I was sickened by what Kelly had proposed, to be honest, more and more each day, I was growing to despise and hate her and most of all my heart was elsewhere.

One thing that Kelly did not realise was that someone else was also coming to Athens too, and that person was my mysterious friend. I was truly falling for her big time, we would spend endless hours chatting on the web and also on the phone. We would talk about sonarios on what would happen if we met?, you know, what if?, what would we talk about?, I know for sure that the only thing I was thinking about would be kissing her.

December came and my journey to Athens commenced. I flew out on Wednesday afternoon and arrived in Athens early evening. Kelly had said that she will meet me at the airport as she will help me find a hotel. I sat there for a complete hour before I saw Kelly enter the airport, wearing a neck brace!. She saw me sitting at a cafe and came towards me, I did not make an effort to hug or kiss her, I just asked what happened to her neck?, she said that she had pulled a muscle or something and had to wear the brace for protection/support. Whatever!, I just wanted to get in a taxi and find a hotel. The only problem was that there were only a few limited hotels that were open because the others were closed due to it being the end of the holiday season. Finally after an hour we found a hotel in Glyfada area, I checked in and then headed towards my room.

I had booked a double room and I think that Kelly thought that she was going to be staying with me, but what she did not know was that I had other plans. I dropped my suitcase and bag while I went to the bathroom and had a quick shower, with the door locked of course ;-) After I freshened up I came back into the bedroom to get dressed. Kelly was sitting on the balcony looking at the view in front of us, which was a few lights and complete darkness. I got changed and said to Kelly that we were heading out for something to eat.

We took a walk up the road, and ended up in the town centre, cafes, tavernas, restaurants galore. We chose a place whose speciality was chargrilled chicken. The food was good. We then headed off to a cafe bar, ordered 2 frappes and talked. I can see that Kelly was really making an effort, but more and more I was feeling I was becoming distant from her, but also my mind was elsewhere. I knew that in 2 days, my mysterious friend would be arriving and that I was really looking forward to meeting her. After out coffee's, I told Kelly that I was feeling tired and that I should be getting back to the hotel, I had made the point that I said "I" and not we, as I did not have any intention for Kelly to stay over. So we walked back to the hotel and I flagged gown a taxi to take her home. Peace at last.

The next day I had breakfast in my room, sitting on the balcony and actually enjoying the view. After breakfast, I got ready and ventured out into the town centre, done a bit of shopping, sat and had a frappe while watching the planes flying into the airport, heaven :-), I then strolled back to the hotel to see Kelly sitting in reception. I told her that I had been out and done a bit of shopping while heading back to my room. Again, I was making plans for us to go out as I did not want to be alone with her for too long in my room. I had a quick shower, got changed as soon as I entered the bedroom I saw that Kelly was unpacking her overnight bag! and on top of that I had spotted that tub of Vaseline!. Alarm bells started ringing in my ears, there was NO way Kelly was going to be spending the night here and most of all with me. I ushered her to get ready and within 2 minutes we were out of the hotel. I did not even manage to blow dry my hair!

This time we ended up at a restaurant, what kind? I had no idea what I had ordered, or what we talked about, nothing all because my mind was elsewhere. Visions of that Vaseline tub was still in my head, but I then directed my thoughts elsewhere, as for tomorrow, my mysterious friend would be arriving in Athens.

I paid for the meal and then told Kelly that I wanted to be on my own tonight and it would be better for her to collect her stuff that night as I was not sure as to what I would be doing the following few days. I could see that she looked suspicious, but I did not have the heart to come clean and tell her that I did not want anything to do with her ever again. I felt that if I had told her about my feelings for my mysterious friend, then she would assume that this was going on while I was with Kelly back in September. I did not want to look the bastard, but deep down, I knew that I was one for not having the guts to end it once and for all. She came back, packed her overnight bag and left. As soon as the door closed, I signed with relief. My heart was in my mouth, the same feeling I was having when I had met Rachel, but this time I am feeling it for someone who I had not even met.

Cyber Space - Part 4

By the time I got home, I was making plans to return back to Greece for a long weekend, I went in October and that's when I started seeing Kelly acting very strange in Katerina's company. I remember one night we had stayed over, again Katerina had set up our room. But this time Kelly wanted to stay up a bit longer. Of course I did not mind, because they were good friends, but deep down I was getting a feeling that there was something more that meets the eye.
Again I woke up to an empty bed, the thing is that Kelly did not even sleep in the bed at all; she spent the whole night with Katerina in the lounge. Something was not right and I was having doubts about Kelly.

I returned back home, feeling a bit let down and hurt. But through out everything, Kelly and Katerina were acting as if nothing was going on between them, but little known to them I was being informed that Kelly was actually sleeping over at Katerina's, something Kelly had not been telling about. I was feeling more and more put off by them both, what the hell was going on?

Night after night we all met in the chat room, having a laugh as usual and that was when I met my new friend. A girl who blew me away with her maturity and her mind. She seemed very down to earth and had a kind of mysterious side to her which drew me like a magnet; I was truly fascinated with her.

I remember one night my mysterious friend finally decided to send me a picture of herself, but you have to realise back then that the internet connection was not like it is today. It took hours for this picture to transfer, and in all that time I was sitting at my desk praying for this picture to download faster. At least 5 hours had past before the picture had finally transferred, woo hoo! at last, I will get to see a face behind the person who I was chatting to in the chat room. I clicked on the picture only to see it open as a thumbnail picture, here before me was a minute picture of my mysterious friend. grrrrr, the frustration was killing me! It was not long before she sent me another picture and I can honestly say that I was very happy with the result :-) I was becoming more mesmerised and I was starting to have genuine feelings for her.

November came and yet another trip to Athens, yet again Katerina insisted that I stayed with her, something that I was not to happy about, but I guess it was my way of seeing things for myself between her and Kelly. The first few days were as normal, we all went out to meet other girls from the chat room. It was great to finally meet them at last, great to put a face to a nick name in a chat room, of course Kelly was all over me when we were out and in all that time I felt Katerina's eyes burning into me, something I did not feel very comfortable with. But throughout all this time, all I can think about was one person. My mysterious friend.

That night, we returned to Katerina's house and as usual I went to bed alone. I sat in bed thinking about what may be going on in the other room. Was I going insane? was I being paranoid for nothing? Hours went by, not a sound coming from the lounge, my god this was pathetic. Why was Kelly not here in bed with me? why is she spending her nights when I am around with Katerina instead?, enough was enough, I looked at my watch, it was 6.45am and this was now taking the piss. I got up, and walked towards the lounge, I stood in the lounge to see before me, Kelly sleeping in the arms of Katerina and they were both naked! I just needed that one look to answer my suspicions. It was true and I now understood who Kelly was talking about when we were in Agistri, her true love, yeah it was Katerina for sure! I headed back to the bedroom, and I was in a rage! I needed to get out, I needed fresh air and I needed to calm down. I had a quick wash and got changed; I slipped past the two sleeping love birds and headed towards the door.

I left Katerina's apartment and headed towards JD's house. Luckily she was up and when she saw me she knew exactly what had happened. JD got dressed and we both headed towards the town square to a coffee house, I ordered us coffee and 2 cheese pastries. I looked at my watch it was 7.30am and still no call on my mobile from Kelly. JD couldn’t believe the cheek Kelly had and actually admitted that she had a sneaky feeling that something was going on between them and that it would not surprise her that Kelly used me to get back at Katerina. Tick tock and another hour passed, still no call from Kelly. At least today I was leaving back to England.

My phone rang at 10.45, it was Kelly wondering where I was, I told her that I was having coffee with JD and that I did not want to spoil the party she was having with Katerina, at first she did not understand what I had told her, "party?, what party?" So I told her exactly what I saw and asked her if she cared to give me an explanation?......there was silence. Again she tried to act dumb and said that she does not know what I am talking about, at this stage I was getting angry with her and I said "For fuck sake Kelly, I saw you both in bed, naked together, you in her arms, what more do you want me to say?!" ......again there was silence and she asked as to where I was as we needed to talk. I told her the name of the Coffee House and then hung up the phone. JD offered to stay with me, I thanked her for everything and said that It was not necessary, I will tackle Kelly on my own and I will call her to let her know the outcome. JD was happy with my answer and left me at the Cafe, while I waited for Kelly.I ordered another coffee, fuck I was drained, physically and mentally.

Tick tock, tick tock, 2 hours had passed before Kelly decided to finally turn up. She came and sat next to me, all the time looking down to the ground like a dog with it's tail between it's legs. I asked her if she wanted a coffee, she shook her head, so I ordered her one, just to break the ice and also to show that I am a human being. We waited in silence till her coffee arrived, she had a few sips and then out of the blue, she said "sorry", I looked at her and asked her to tell me everything from the beginning. Kelly took a deep breath and basically told me that Katerina was her ex, that she had feelings for Katerina, even after she ended their relationship because Katerina had been cheating on her. Kelly then confirmed what JD suspected, yes Kelly used me to get her own back at Katerina and make her jealous, but then Kelly turned to me and said that she was truly sorry for everything, but she has since found out (from this morning) that Katerina has been cheating on her yet again and that Kelly has ended their relationship once and for all and begged me for forgiveness and asked me to give her another chance!

I sat there the whole time listening, trying to digest her words, and thinking of what I should do?. I felt sad, cheated and taken for a fool. I told Kelly that what she had done was out of order and at this moment in time, I could not give her an answer as I still needed time to digest what had happened, she tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away and asked her to leave me alone. All I wanted now was to go home, so I asked Kelly to call Katerina and ask if it was OK for me to collect my suitcase, Kelly called and got the OK. I then got up, followed by Kelly behind me while I headed towards Katerina's house. I was pretty sure that Kelly thought that I was going to punch the shit out of Katerina, but of course Kelly does not know the real me at all. I could have if I wanted to, but there was no point, in my eyes, they both deserved each other.

The door was open when we arrived, it only took me 3 minutes to grab my suitcase (as it was already packed) and my bag and then I was gone. All this time, Kelly was waiting downstairs. I came down and said that I was leaving for the airport straight away, she nodded and said that she was coming with me, I turned to her and said that I preferred that she did not come as I needed my own space. I flagged down a taxi, put my luggage in the boot and I was gone, I did not even kiss or hug Kelly and to be honest, I did not care if I did not ever see or speak to her ever again. I came home, broken hearted. I waited a couple of days before going back into the chat room, at least there were my other friends to speak to and most of all, my mysterious friend.

Cyber Space - Part 3

The weekend arrived, I was packed and on a train heading down to the port to meet Kelly. I arrived before her and made my way to the meeting point, wow for the first time I felt like a tourist backpacker. I waited patiently for Kelly to arrive. 15 minutes had passed before I saw her walking towards me with a big smile on her face. She apologised for being late, oh well we are in Greece; no one ever makes an appointment on time ...LOL. We both headed down to the ticket office and purchased a ticket to Aegina, an Island about an hr away from the mainland. I had already visited that island many years before with the family, but it was only to visit the church and pay our respects to the Saint Agios Naktarios. (Yes, another Greek custom). We had boarded the ship and went to sit on the top deck to soak up the sun and also see the view of Athens as we departed. Within an hour we arrived at Aegina, the view was beautiful as would any Greek Island be when you are approaching it from the sea, The while houses shone brightly in the sun, the sea, the beach, mmmmm heaven.

We got off the ship to be greeted by fellow islanders who were offering rooms to rent. I let Kelly do the negotiations and within 5 minutes we were on our way to our lodgings. 1 room, en suite with a double bed. Once in the room, we dropped our bags, got changed into our swim suits and headed off to the beach. We decided to grab a bite; Kelly suggested eating on the beach, what a great idea :-) So we stopped off at a baker and a grocery shop and bought fresh bread, feta cheese, fresh tomato, olives, water and of course some nice Greek wine.

After a swim in the sea, we pitched down on the sand, started eating, drinking and talked. This was such a beautiful experience for me, the food may have not been appetising for anyone else, but to me it was just perfect. Every little element of Greece was here before me, sun, sand, sea, Greek food and wine and a nice girl to share it with, what more can I ask for?
After a few hours, we decided to head back into our lodging to get showered, rest and then get ready for the night. Everything was just perfect and I was actually warming up to Kelly. That evening we went for a walk down the harbour and then we sat in a bar which overlooked the sea. Kelly suggested that we move on tomorrow to another island called Agistri, which was just opposite this Island and a 20 minute boat ride, sounded perfect to me.

We headed back to our lodgings and set the alarm for an early start. That night she lay in my arms, after a night of fore play and kissing but no sex (Kelly did not want full sex unless I had been tested for HIV, something she though was very important and something I thought was quite pathetic and a cheap excuse. I felt Kelly had something to hide but I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time).
We caught the boat in good time and headed off to Agistri, again Kelly took charge in sorting out our lodgings and before you knew it, we were in our room, which was above a cafe bar, perfect:-)

As it was too early in the morning to get ready for the beach, we decided to go for a walk. A walk which seemed never ending, think that it was because we were talking to each other and not paying any attention to what was around us. 2 hours later we were looking down from a cliff at the deep blue sea that lay below us. It was such a panoramic view and I had wished that I had my camera with me as the view was breath taking. We decided to walk a little further to see what was behind the cliff. Another 20 minute walk and we reached the end of the road and what stood before us was more beautiful than the cliff view, a deserted beach and what looked like a small harbour, but without the boats. We both looked at each other in disbelief as we had not come equipped with swimming suits or towels. It was then we decided that because there was no one else around, we would go topless swimming. Let’s say, who whole experience was out of this world, I felt that we were the only 2 people on this island. After a long swim (more kissing and foreplay) we sat on the harbour to let the sun dry us out. Kelly sat in front of me; letting me wrap my arms around her while we talked. It was then she told me about her ex and how her ex cheated on her, I guess by how Kelly was talking about her, that she did care for her and most of all still loved her. I totally understood how she felt, as I myself still carried the torch for Rachel.

After an hour, we got dressed and slowly headed back to our lodgings. We got back about 5 in the afternoon, tired, sticky and hungry. Again, we bought some snacks from the grocery shop and then headed back to our room, ate and then hit the shower, the nice thing about this shower was that it was a walk in shower and most of all; it was perfect for us to have a shower together :-) There we were, both naked and kissing under a semi cold shower, while our hands were washing each other, but that was when the most unthinkable thing happened too me. Kelly had turned me to face the wall, while she washed my back, her hands slowly moving down, down to my butt cheeks and then out of the blue, she had inserted her finger into somewhere which was lets say out of bounds. I immediately turned and asked her what she was doing?, Kelly was standing before me with a smile on her face said that it was another kind of pleasure that she liked and did I not have this done before with my previous partners. I told her NO and that I felt a bit embarrassed about the whole incident (to be honest I felt very uncomfortable as she took me by surprise and this was something that I had never experienced) She then kissed me and said sorry, but also added that it was something that was normal and that I grow to like. I know for sure at that time, I did NOT like it, but if she said that it was normal, well maybe I should experience it.

We wrapped things up in the shower and both went to bed, not a word was said about the incident. We slept till about midnight, and then we were both wide awake and started to get ready to go out. We were not in a mood for another ling walk, so we stayed locally, well, we ended up in the bar below our room. We drank, talked and danced the night away. Before we knew it, it was 4am! We had our boat to catch at 9am to take us back to Athens, so we headed back to our room, packed our bags and hit the bed for a couple of hours zzzzzz's, which obviously didn’t happen because we were yet again kissing and enjoying the fore play. I had noticed on the side of the bed that there was a very large tub of Vaseline and thought nothing of it until Kelly asked whether I wanted to try out what she had done to me earlier in the day. I took a deep breath and said OK, but also made it clear to her that I was not comfortable. To my horror she immediately she grabbed the tub of Vaseline! Oh my god, she had planted that tub, fully knowing that she was intending to use it on me that night. I felt a bit sickened, so I politely asked Kelly that I did not feel ready at the moment and said that that it was too soon. She understood, but I could tell that she was a bit disappointed.

After a couple of hours sleep we packed and headed towards the port, grabbed a quick coffee and breakfast and then boarded the boat to Athens. Besides this incident, I was very happy with Kelly and I really enjoyed the trip and her company. We finally reached Athens and caught the train, giving her a quick goodbye before she had to get off at her station. We had arranged to hook up the following night to meet another 2 girls from the Greek chat room, Katerina & JD.
The next night I caught the train to the next stop to meet Kelly, as this was the area was where JD and Katerina lived (and also the area which was hit hard by the earthquake). Of course I arrived first, waited for 30 minutes until Kelly arrived and then we headed towards Katerina's house. Katerina was not what I had expected, instead I was looking at a middle aged woman who looked like an elf and had the most piercing eyes I had ever seen. She was thrilled to see us and welcomed us both into her home. I was also shocked to see the damage done to Katerina's home, but at least 10 times worse, huge cracks in the lounge and also her bedroom. Katerina looked like a nervous wreck, she said that she had not had a proper night sleep in 2 weeks and she was sleeping on her couch in the lounge. I really felt sorry for her, as I cannot imagine what it would have been like being in an earthquake.

Anyways, after an hour or so, we decided to order a take out, Souvlakia of course (which for anyone not familiar with Greek cuisine, it's cubes of pork skewered on a wooden stick, cooked on charcoal and then put into a pita bread accompanied with onions, tomatoes and tzatsiki sauce), we ordered also for JD as she was expected to come by anytime now, and by the time the delivery arrived JD did too :-) We all sat in the lounge, talking, laughing, eating our souvlakia and drinking wine. We looked at our watches and couldn’t believe the time; it had gone well past midnight. Katerina insisted for me and Kelly to stay the night as it would be too late to catch the train back home and also JD only lived around the corner. So we agreed to stay the night, Katerina was happy as she said that she can do with the company. Katerina set up our bed in the other bed room and wished us a good night. After 30 minutes Kelly got up and said that she was going to check on Katerina, after that I had dosed off until the morning. I woke up only to find that Kelly was not lying next to me and no where to be seen in the room, so I assumed that she had woken up before me. I had a quick wash and got changed and headed towards the lounge. Both Katerina and Kelly greeted me, sitting on a couch drinking coffee. So I grabbed a seat and joined them. I thanked Katerina for her hospitality while Kelly got ready and within an hour we were at the train station heading back home. I saw Kelly only one more time before myself and mom left for England.

Cyber Space - Part 2

August 1999 and I had already spent a weekend in Athens, as I took my mom over so that she spends a month or two with the family. I would rejoin her after a month and spend my holiday with her and the family , then we could travel back home together.

September came, and then news that there was an earthquake in Athens registering a moment magnitude of 5.9. I was at work at the time and my friend called me and said that she heard on the news that there was an earthquake in Athens. I tried calling my mom, Aunts and Cousins, the lines were down. I was in a panic, luckily for me it was nearing home time, and so as soon as I got home, I turned on the news and then spent the whole night trying to call my family.Eventually around midnight I managed to get through to my Aunt, everyone was OK but a little shaken. Most of all, my mom was OK, but had been traumatised by the event. I spoke to my mom that night and I could tell by her voice that she was clearly upset, so I decided that night that I would amend my ticket and fly out to Athens the next day.

I called into work and advised them of my intentions; my boss at the time was very understanding and actually gave me 10 days compassionate leave to add on top of my annual leave which I had booked. I thanked my boss and then I contacted easy jet to change my ticket to fly for that night. paid them the charge for transferring the flight and before I knew it, I was all set. My suitcases were already packed and all I had to do was to throw in my toiletries, music, books and I was done. So that night I flew out to Athens to be with my mom and family.
It was not till I got there when I realised the full extent of the earthquake, there were cracks in and outside the house, in a suburb 5 minutes away, the whole of the residents were sleeping in tents and the word on everyone’s lips was that they are expecting the BIG ONE!
Days passed, the odd tremor here and there, but slowly things got back to normal. My sister's memorial came and went and I then made arrangements with Kelly to meet up the next Saturday night in Athens. The only problem was that my other cousin Petroula and her friend Anna wanted to tag along too. I suppose they just wanted to look out for me, as in theory I was a tourist.

So Saturday came, I got ready, met my cousin and her friend and we drove into Athens. We went for a couple of beers and then headed towards the club where we were going to meet Kelly. There she was, sitting at the bar waiting for me (I recognised her only because she had told me what she was wearing that night). We greeted with a hand shake. Kelly was not what I had pictured her to be, but more the opposite :-( she looked more Chinese than a Greek. But hey, why should I be picky here? doesn't the saying go...."never judge a book by it's cover?" We all grabbed a beer and we went to sit down and chat. I don't think I got a word in edge ways as my cousin was doing the Spanish inquisition with Kelly, wanting to know everything about her, after that was done and my cousin satisfied, I managed to chat to Kelly, just general chit chat.
I was not attracted to Kelly but did find her personality very nice, but on the other hand I could tell she was well into me. It's a trade I learned and it was simple...... her eyes gave it away.

Before we knew it, it was time to leave. As we lived in opposite directions to Kelly I decided to grab a taxi for her, so while my cousin and her friend were walking back to the car, I walked with Kelly to the main street to find a taxi. We talked, laughed and then came the big question out of the blue; she wanted to see me again. I told her that I had another 2 weeks in Greece before I depart for England; she paused and asked me if I wanted to go away with her the following weekend to a Greek Island? Hmmmmm why not? I accepted her invitation, she pulled me towards her and kissed me. I was not sure as to how to react with her, but I kissed her back.
Honestly, I did not feel the earth move, I felt nothing, no spark, no butterflies, but Kelly was well into me, I told myself to give her a chance, maybe my feelings would change given time.
Kelly caught her taxi and I headed back to my cousin's car knowing full well that I will get the Spanish inquisition from her and Anna, what did you do? did you kiss? are you going to see her again? I answered a simple "Yes".

Cyper Space - Part 1

Xmas 1998 was one of the blackest years of my life, not only was I having health problems, my sister was not here and it did not feel right not having her around. I did not put up any decorations, not even a Christmas tree, but I did cook Christmas diner just to make an effort to my mom and brother.

I had moved into my sister's house, the same house that before was owned by my elder brother, who was left to my sister and now down to me. Yes, many can say that I was lucky to have a roof over my head, but I was still paying for a flat that I left to Emma. I had taken out a loan at the time in my name and paid for the flat which was in Emma's name, so legally I was screwed. A big mistake and for sure one I was going to pay for the reset of my life.
My mom was becoming ever more dependent of me, and who can blame her? she had just lost her 2nd sibling in a space of 8 years. How my mom is still standing I do not know, but I admire her strength and courage to carry on even though deep down she morns the loss of her children everyday.

We brought in the New Year, 1999; wonder what it has in store for me? Besides having regular visits to the hospital gynaecologist, I will also be celebrating my 30th birthday, which at that time I had no idea what and how I was going to celebrate it.

I was still going out every weekend, spending the Saturday night at Mark's house. I was becoming more bonded with Mark. I remember my sister's words; she always said that I and Mark should have hooked up or even have a child together as we would have made a perfect couple and perfect parents. Maybe in reality we could have, because deep down I do love Mark and know that he feels the same about me, but we enjoyed the "gay life" and that was the way things were.

Vicky had split up with her girlfriend and started coming over to my house. It was there where were sat on the Internet looking for something interesting. One night we decided to look for gay chat rooms, she fancied a laugh that night. We found a page and we were scrolling through the large amounts of links to different gay chat rooms, where all of a sudden she stopped and said "Look, there is even a Greek lesbian chat room". At first I thought she was joking, but when I looked she was right, there was a Greek Lesbian chat room. OK, let’s have a laugh and go in. So we did. To be honest I can't even remember who was in the room as it was our first time and with all those people talking we just sat back and watched the whole room chat. I had book marked the page and said to Vicky that I will try out the page on another day.My 30th Birthday came and went; I decided not to make it a big celebration, even though my work colleagues went out of their way to decorate my desk. I had the afternoon off and Mark met me. We went for a Japanese meal, and then went to watch a movie at the cinema. That was all I wanted, nothing fancy, no party nothing.

When one weekend, I decided to log into the Greek chat room and have a peak. I remember seeing one person in there, we started chatting. I found out that the girl I was speaking to was from Canada, wow! now that was amazing. We chatted more, before she had to get ready to leave and meet her friends, so I wished her a pleasant day.

I called Vicky after and told her that I had finally chatted to someone in the chat room, she was thrilled and so was I :-) So from that weekend, I started logging into the chat room for a couple of hours every night, I was now making new friends and secretly I was looking for love as I figured out that If I cant find love from an English girl, then maybe I can find love from a Greek girl instead?, seemed a simple idea at the time, we shared the same culture, understand family values, what could go wrong? What the hell, you only live once, enjoy life :-)

More and more, I was becoming a frequent visitor to the chat room, it was a great place to unwind and have a laugh with the girls. There were quite a few now, my Canadian friend and a few Greek girls. Each night we would joke around, have private chats, and have the odd cyber sex with a stranger. Around August time I was getting quite acquainted with one girl, her name was Kelly. She lived in Athens and was around the same age as me. Apparently she had been in England till 1997, studying at Bradford University, so her English was a bonus too ;-) We started chatting more and more, she was aware that I was travelling to Greece in September for my sister's 1 yr anniversary, so we had made plans to meet up.